LUMPCON

It is cold cold cold, although the thermometer would not agree with me on that; the eternal dampness lets the air cut right through you as if you were wearing nothing at all, so 45 feels a hell of a lot colder. Federal Baboon regulations state that when the combined of the air and water temperatures are below 120, a heightened state of alergency is entered, known ominously as "60/60" This means you must open your special secret government happymeal, pull out and don a voluminous orange coat of olympic proportions, and attempt to function as normal. Normal becomes rotating at the waist, and then not rotating at all, it is so exhausting. Should the weather dip down to the fated "50/50" zone, one must open the second secret happymeal, wherein is contained an absolutely ridiculously huge, full body and hood, brilliant orange jumpsuit that looks like it should be for working in the Mars moon-mines. They were all made to fit towering Nigerians, but since their weather is pretty mellow, me and the Korean have to sit on each others shoulders inside one. Of course, once rendered thus warm, you are also rendered absolutely and uselessly caccooned in this monkeybusiness. Needless to say, I wear mine all the time, regardless of the temperature.